Well, my father lost his job.
And I quit my piano lessons.
Brother Kieran is out of prison.
I had a ticket to go to the St Martin's graduate fashion show tomorrow, but couldn't afford to travel to London. I am however going to apply to a fashion course over the summer which allows 3 of the best people to go and work in London for a three month residency, and offers two exhibitions for everyone else who gets in. I want to do the gold Duke of Edinburgh award and I am allowed to skip the bronze and silver awards. I also attend a writing class every fridy. My art course is now part-time and I have plans of attending a top London art school in a year's time. I think there is nothing so wonderful in life as self-improvement and education.

I could in fact go to the bank tomorrow, get out all of my money, and buy as much monochrome 35mm and 120 roll film as I can hope to shoot and develop before it expires, also buy some red velvet to make myself a cape, and some dark blue raw silk to make myself a ghost hunting dress, learn to speak Latin, write stupidly simple piano music, make toys that scare the hell out of people, or even just toys that people will like like cyber bunnies from the moon and bumble bees that have got a bit poorly and I could steal some nasal cannulas and fill them with glitter and the liquid from glowsticks, and have a party with a stupid theme like Victorian Bondage Camels, and I could vacuum the whole house without being asked to so that I'm no longer scared of the noise the vacuum cleaner makes, and I could write a thankyou letter to everyone who gave me a christmas present, and my orthodontist, and that crazy Austrian doctor who cheered me up so much when I had to get stitches, and stick stickers on the letters, and make a cheesecake with some weird ingredient that surprisingly makes it taste even nicer, and start doing all of this right now instead of typing.
But it's late at night and I'm tired. Maybe tomorrow.

Liam bought me a new horror survival game. Haunting Ground. It's quite marvellous.
My gran is sick and in hospital, but I live opposite the hospital so I can visit her every night. The hospital staff seem very nice, they even brushed her hair and put a pretty clip in it, and I haven't seen her looking so clean and tidy in years. She keeps trying to escape and she stole loads of tiny children's toys from somewhere and managed to give away her bag with all of her things in it, and she can't talk enough to explain how any of these things happened. Although she did say one sentence, "I'll come with you" when people were leaving. It's so sweet, she seems really happy. She laughs at everything anyone says and rolls her eyes and shakes her head and then grins at me as though I'm the only other sane person left, and we have to tolerate all of the crazy people together. She also thinks Liam is a girl and likes him more than she likes my father (her son in case there was any doubt).
I came up with a plan to paint a potato with liquid emulsion, take a photo of the technician (who has a beard and glasses and looks like god, or maybe a dwarf) and expose the potato through that negative. Because people are always claiming to see god's face in vegetables.

I love clothes. They make me happy. I got a black and deep pink sort of jacket with lots of ruffles, that most people think is like something Adam and the ants members would wear, only more elegant, but I used to get that a lot anyway when I bound my chest and could fit into my ruffly ruffly shirt and could be bothered to paint eyeliner all over my face.
I also got a white vinyl cuff edged in an excessive amount of lace, with feathered wings and a silver cross and a red rosebud on it, and a detachable matching ring attached with chains. Happy happy valentine's day me.
I would take photographs but I have other things to do. Suffice to say they are beautiful.

I AM THE OATMEAL AND RAISIN AVENGER!
I wear a rainbow scarf that is so fluffy and cuddley that it instantly neutralises any evil within 20 metres.

I ate a whole bag of dolly mixtures and a whole tube of pringles today. That's over 1000 calories. I feel so sick. I hope I vomit soon so I can get on with eatting nutritious things. I rather want a carrot.

1. I had rather a fabulous time in London. I bought a t-shirt from Cyberdog that magically fits me perfectly. I also bought Kana's newest cd and a black heart-shaped apron.

2. I did a fashion photoshoot with Liam on Thursday, in which he looked spectacular, even Sharon (the photography teacher) agreed, and so I must indeed have learned something in the past two years. With Nada as a stylist; she is Egyptian and has a marvellous sense of style, and a penchant for the 1920s. She's going to dye my hair blonde for me, and have it cut with a nice nostaligic fringe, of the sort that pokes you in both eyes, for

3. my photoshoot in which I have to dress as a doll. She is going to purchase a teaset and actual dolls to accompany me, and be a stylist, as ever.

4. I am realising and coming to accept that I do not stand any real chance at modelling. I am just over an inch too short, and it's too late to grow that much. But I can still make pretty pictures in the mean time.

1. Dave Milne (for Jeni's benefit, Conrad Milne's father, yes, he is my art history and figure distortion teacher) cannot spell. For all of his articulate-ness. Alleagorical is not in any dictionary. Pah, and he calls us illiterate and tells us to read dictionaries. But he is still made of awesome.

2. I am very worried about several people with regards to the quantity and addictivity of the drugs they are taking. But I can't tell them that, because what pisses an addict off the most, is the truth. That even applies to semi-skimmed milk addicts like me. Milk gives me stomach aches and migraines and I still drink a pint a day.

3. MIXED GENDER DORMITORIES AND SCHOOL TRIPS ARE FUN!

4. I haven't washed in two days. I'm wearing two pairs of boy's underwear, neither of which are mine, and which also unfortunately belong to two different people, and one has been worn by five people in the past. This teaches us the importance of forward-planning and not playing with breakable items such as eggs.

Today I shot a set of Esme for Suicide Girls. I hate Suicide Girls. But I would, and frequently do, do anything for that girl. We ate chicken and cucumber sandwiches, watched a dvd about Man Ray.. then she got ready which was the most entertaining thing I've ever seen as it involved putting foundation on genitals and snorting like a hog in that evil way of hers.. then we set up the set, took nicely-composed pictures.. took better and more sponteaneous pictures with the aid of not-so-legal substances.. I went home very much exhausted.

Update: She didn't like the set in the end and deleted it, but we have since done a still better one.

My friend Iris is coming to visit me from the Netherlands over Christmas. I'm so excited!
She is coming on the 23rd and leaving on the 28th. I have to go and set up my room. My dad bought my bed yesterday and I already have bedding. I'll put it up this evening, and try to sort out all of the things we will need for photoshoots. Also need to buy sellotape so I can finish wrapping her presents. SO EXCITED!

You know, life without hobos, heroin addicts, convicted murder-attempters, art previews, hospital visits, diy hair-cutting, hating someone as much as you love them, etc, is really fucking boring.

If fishes were wishes, I would be Jesus, and would feed the 5000.
But as wishes are in fact wishes, I am off to grant them. I love christmas cheer.

I love my Nikon D40x.

Haruka by ~Velvet-penguin on deviantART

And please look at my other photographs in the previous entry and tell me what you think ^^

The door of opportunity is ajar.

And oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, I'm afraid to knock.

But knock I shall.

Wish me luck.

-hugs Von, someone else's teddy bear-

I went to see Dir en grey. Twice. They rocked.

I got some awesome clothes. Melissa bought me a top and Liam bought me a skirt and I bought trousers and another top, from a Japanese shop in Camden.

I've also more recently bought more clothes, because all of mine have decided to fall apart (all of the tiny holes and missing stitches that I usually tie or safety pin up have grown and grown and now the damn things won't stay on at all) at the same time. So I've got two pairs of hello kitty pajamas, a pink stripey sticky-out skirt, a blue cheongsam top, red tartan drainpipes and pink doctor martens that I bought yesterday.

I accquired a lovely Pentax K1000 complete with extra macro and zoom lenses, plus skylight and polarising filters, courtesy of the lovely Liam, who is also giving me a lovely PS2. Apparently it belonged to his ex, but since I only met her once (at least I think it was her), shrieked and asked her if I could marry her pink hair, and she laughed embarrassedly and said no, I do not feel guilty. I rather resent people like that, who look as though they might be very interesting, but are actually very boring and normal.

And got accepted to study foundation art at Mandela building, Newcastle college. They ticked every box in my interview report. I don't have to pay, although I've spent £40 on materials already. I start on Tuesday.

I passed all my A levels. A A B B B. Okasan has apparently been telling everyone that I failed because I didn't attend college often enough, and am resitting this year, and live in a youth hostel. But then she probably did hear everything about me third or fourth hand. She has redecorated the house very nicely, using the £10,000 she stole from my university funds. Update: I got the money back at last!

Oh, and I finally stole the plug. Hahahaha. I thought I could steal some money or something, but that would not be a nice thing to do. It would be for personal gain rather than vengence, plus I believe that stealing is wrong. I only found one plug that was not chained in, but that is now sitting in my box of props.

Me and Liam are still together. I am moving into his house today. He also got into art school, but with a conditional offer.

My dad has found a nice house though, it is cream with red windows, and is putting in an offer for it on Tuesday, so I will probably move in to that soon.

I was just thinking. Now that I've packed up all of my belongings and left home completely, I missed an awesome opportunity for vengeance.

I wish I had stolen all of the plugs in the house. So no one could run a bath or fill the sink. And they'd have to go out and buy new plugs for EVERYTHING. And it would be so great.

Also, by the by, Newcastle College are bastards who say they will give you a formal interview and make you feel special, then say you should just come along to an enrolment day. Portfolios are hard to carry. D: Mine is bigger than me due to the canvasses and scrolls.

I'm going to go and see Dir en grey.

Twice.

That's two times.

Two consecutive days.

The 1st of August.

And again on the 2nd.

So I get to attend two lives.

In shitty outfits but ah well, we're not meeting them.

But we are seeing them.

Hahahaha take that bitches.

Off I go to London. If I don't come back, blame Liam and Melissa for not keeping me on a leash.

Byebye x

I knew you can only hold a world together with ribbons, safety pins and sticking plasters for so long. I wanted to deny it though.

I am 18.

Now that I am 18 I can be photographed naked and drink alcohol.

But I'm not going out drinking, I'm going out eatting oriental food!

I got some awesome presants. Heather and Rose's family are so kind! Adam (the seven year old brother) got me some sweets and a photography magazine. And there's a big banner in the front room, and I have a chocolate cake and a helium filled balloon. Heather gave me a green silk photoalbum with some ancient photos I thought I'd never see again. Rose gave me a pair of jeans, I think she'd like me to dress more normally.

Liam took me to my favourite Japanese restaurant and bought me a colouring book. Update: he also bought me a skirt.

My dad is going to buy me a camera. ^^

I'll post photos of my presants and such when I actually have the camera. I am still drooling over the Nikon D40x. I don't know if he will agree to getting me it though.

Liam has the DVD and photos back from the runway modelling. There is only one clear-ish photo of me. But I do look like a professional model in it. I even have alarming cheekbones.

Jonjon is going away to smoke pot in a field, so no one will keep us up all night practicing Miyavi's guitar technique.

Either Jonjon or Kieran has got cum on my futon. Or the female equivalent.. is there even a word for that? But anyway, it's a nice crusty white stain. To be honest, living in such a debauched little room has its charms. The cum is not one of them, but the giant pile of cuddly toys you can jump into, and the endless stacks of cds, and the whole having some sort of family thing, are.

Gary Numan is God, I have decided.